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Chapter Seven
"The idiot’s guide to swordsmen" - Liza Wang
Oh yes, to say Roronoa Zoro was pissed off would be the understatement of the millennium.
It wasn’t because he couldn’t train until much later than he had planned.
It wasn’t because Luffy had eaten his helpings of meat on the bone.
It wasn’t because the Love Cook wouldn’t spare him any rum.
And hell, it wasn’t even because Nami had just come by demanding her three hundred percent interest. Which she had lowered from five hundred percent because they were going out.
It was because of the bloody person sleeping fitfully in front of him.
“Take good care of her,” Nami’s sweet tone and cunning smile was burned into his brain, and as much as he hated the job he was in, he’d rather do it than face the redhead’s wrath later.
Hell hath known no fury like a woman’s; even he knew that.
As the girl tossed and turned in the blue sheets, he eyed her with the utmost hatred.
Hmph.
If it was up to him, he would’ve thrown this impostor overboard quicker than he could determine his right from his left.
Oi.
Well ANYWAY, seriously. Why do you have to take good care of sleeping people? They’re asleep. They don’t need any care. But nonetheless, here he was; bribed, blackmailed and threatened to stay with her until she woke up.
Looking at the girl again, he rolled his eyes and curled his lip in disapproval as she muttered something else under her breath and rolled over.
She’d been doing that since last night, saying weird words he had never heard of before like ‘Time Warp’ and ‘DN Angel’; and that didn’t count the names that rolled off her tongue, accompanied by some rather colourful language. Not that he was afraid of her or anything (why should he be!?) but he most definitely did not want to be one of the names she had listed quite quickly.
Her clothes, which he had got a good look at when he and Nami had managed (finally) to position her on the bed in a way that she wouldn’t immediately fall off; partly because he wouldn’t touch her more than he needed to, or because she was flailing her limbs everywhere were nothing short of strange.
This girl was definitely a pain in the ass.
If she caused anymore trouble, he’d tell her exactly where she could stick her time warps and dn angels.
Anyway, he was positioning the dark haired girl on the bed. Which was hard, because Nami was directing him, and what can he say?
Zoro never really was good with directions.
A blue three quarter top with a silver twisting pattern. Ankle-length black slacks. A dolphin charm on black necklace cord. A woven multi-coloured anklet. Brown-red hair. Mismatching earrings!?
As he studied all this in the dim lamplight, he became satisfied at least with the knowledge she did not a) carry weapons of any kind or b) seem like another person to boss him around.
“HEY!!” his heart stopped beating. Scratch that. What did he do?
Oh great. Don’t tell me I spoke out loud; I needa stop doin’ that…
“That’s my TimTam…” she mumbled, before flailing out at him, barely missing hitting the now thoroughly confused swordsman in the face.
TimTam!? TIMTAM!? WHAT THE FUCK IS A TIMTAM!?!?
Oh, that was it. Just as he was about to stand and ‘accidentally’ kick something heavy (preferably metal) in the general direction of the psychotic teen, she said something that got him back into his chair and hanging onto her every word in the space of a second.
“Mihawk…” The word was whispered so softly that he barely caught it.
But when she said it again, he knew his ears hadn’t deceived him.
“Meeting about Luffy Pirates…interested in the swordsman…Zoro…”
His eyes narrowed.
Hold on…
SHE KNEW ABOUT MIHAWK!?
SHE KNEW ABOUT A MEETING THAT CONCERNED MIHAWK!?
His mind instantly changed. She was staying until she told him every single thing about Mihawk and his fighting. Then, he’ll be back to square one.
Throw her overboard.
“Hmmm…” she frowned.
Yes? Yes!? More about Mihawk!?!? SPIT IT OUT DAMMIT!!
“I still want vanilla…”
His eyebrow twitched.
Once he got her to tell him everything, she is definitely going overboard.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Slowly surfacing from her dream-world where girls everywhere were happily deprived of Naruto and watched good dubs of One Piece and never had to take an injection in their lives, and where guys were forced to live in the basement downstairs unless they were special (coughjohnnydeppcough), Liza slowly opened her eyes.
Where was she? Was she home? Why was her room moving?
There was a soft candlelight somewhere off to her right. Damn.
Just as she was backfilling Courtney and Michael in their respective holes to die, too.
…
Did she forget to mention that?
“Jeez, finally. Now I can leave and get on with what’s left of my bloody life.”
Eh?
Her eyes still half closed, she drowsily turned her head to her right…and shrieked.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” His hands were clamped over his ears, his face the epitome of agony, “YOU CRAZY BITCH, CUT THAT OUT!!”
Her eyes wide, she clutched the blankets around her and, in blind panic, she flailed around, throwing anything she could lay her hands on.
CRASH. CLANG. CLATTER. RING RING-BANG!!
That was the navigation book, the paperweight, a fistful of rulers and the alarm clock hitting him square on the nose, eye, shoulder and his (still) sensitive scar.
oOo
Nami, upon hearing the ruckus, dumped the newspaper she was reading on the deck to sprint downstairs, leaving the rest of the crew silent as they listened to the shrieks of, “GET OUT!!” and “OW, SHIT!!” and things being thrown coming from beneath them.
She jumped the four stairs and turned immediately left, tearing up the corridor towards her room.
Can’t he look after one girl for a few hours!?
But even before she got there the door was flung open, and Zoro frantically scrambled out of the room escorted by all things great and small.
She screeched to a standstill, amusement written all over her face as he proceeded to slam the door behind him, before throwing himself against it and panting like a madman, eyes livid and screaming bloody murder.
Was that ink on his shirt?
Catching sight of Nami a few metres away of him, he struggled to ignore the insults and death threats hurled from the other side of the door to throw her his Look of Death.
“My my, what’ve you done to make such a nice girl turn as violent as that?” Her smug tone was crawling under his skin as the said girl realised that throwing Nami’s dictionary wasn’t going to reach him.
“What’ve I done!? WHAT’VE I DONE!?” He could hardly believe what he was hearing.
“Yes, what’ve you done? She was so nice the night before.”
“YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I’VE DONE!? I’VE BLOODY DONE AS MUCH OF THIS CRAP AS I CAN TAKE! Now,” Zoro lowered his voice, but his tone was nothing less than seething, “I’ll tell you what she’s done. She’s taken twenty bloody years off my life, that’s what she’s done! Throwing all your crap at me; Nami she’s a psycho! I got bloody black fucking ink down my front like squid piss!”
She raised a dangerous eyebrow, and all too late he realised his mistake.
But before she could let him have it with her “MY STUFF IS SHIT, IS IT?” lecture, the door banged open.
“WHERE’S THE PERVERT!?!? I’M GONNA WRING HIS BLOODY NECK WHEN I GE-“
A very annoyed and raging Liza stormed down the dark corridor towards the two characters, eyes darker than usual as a side effect of the unprecedented level of fury burning inside her.
But stopped short when she realised just who she had thrown Nami’s various sized objects at.
“Ah…heh heh heh…yea…”
Scratching the back of your neck ain’t gonna save you this time brat…
“I didn’t see you properly…sorry...?”
“You think sorry’s gonna cut it? Kid, you’re ass is as good as dead,” he snarled.
Liza’s eyes widened.
“I don’t think that’s real necessary…”
“Yeah?” He growled, “Ok. My reasons for me to kick your ass. Number One. You ruined Merry. Unless you can pay up, shut up. Number Two. No-one hits me with anything, especially someone as weak as you. Numb-“
Liza saw red.
“WEAK!?” she exploded. “WEAK!? I’LL GIVE YOU WEAK YOU SON OF A-“
“THAT’S ENOUGH!!”
Liza and Zoro looked up from their death glare contest to stare (rather timidly) at Nami, who had been trying to get her word in throughout the argument.
“Ok, you,” Zoro bristled at being reduced to a ‘you’ from his girlfriend, “get the hell outta here. NOW!!” she yelled as he opened his mouth.
“And you,” Nami directed her attention to a stunned (and suddenly very meek) Liza, “Come and meet the crew. I got a feeling you’re going to be landed with us for a while.”
“Uh, ok…” Liza stuck out her tongue at Zoro, who was sulking as he stomped his way back up the stairs.
He visibly glowered.
Rolling her eyes up at the hulking figure of the swordsman, Nami followed him, motioning for her to do the same.
“Don’t worry bout him. He’s just pissed off that he still hasn’t got his goal yet, since everyone else has. Zoro’s generally an easy going guy, so don’t take what he says to heart. How else do you reckon I’d be with him otherwise?” She smiled down at the girl two years her junior.
The girl looked stunned to oblivion.
“Y-You’re with…as in…”
“As in together? Yeah, course! But the press was on the story for ages because they’ve got nothing better to do. I would’ve gladly done an exclusive interview (for a fee, of course), but we were on the run so it wasn’t possible.”
Liza smiled back weakly, glad she had an ally and followed Nami up the stairs to the front deck.
Up the top Nami and Liza were confronted with a very strange scene indeed.
The first thing that hit you was how incredibly quiet it was. The Going Merry. Is never. Quiet. NEVER!! IT JUST DOESN”T HAPPEN!!
The second thing you noticed was that everyone was in various roles of fixing a gaping hole.
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