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Chapter Four
"It’s not raining cats and dogs here" - Tess McAlpine
Red-Haired Shanks, an Emperor of the Grand Line, captain of one of the most powerful pirate crews in the world and the current Pirate King’s role model and mentor…was drunk.
Yes, you heard right.
Wandering aimlessly through the trees with a half-empty bottle held loosely in one hand (which he occasionally put to his lips for a satisfying swig), he swayed slightly from the good grog.
Since Luffy had found One Piece they had decided to have a massive party before paying the Straw Hat boy (now Straw Hat man, though his IQ tells otherwise) a visit. Earlier onwards, however, he had noticed a bright star, and the whole crew had wished on it that Luffy would have heaps of fun (frowning as they realised he would be having fun without them), since there was no longer a great treasure to look for. Bumping into a tree every now and again, he came to a small clearing and looked up at the stars.
Spotting the bright one that had appeared before, his watery eyes seemed to make him see that it was coming closer.
…huh? That’s not right…
Blinking his eyes rapidly, he squinted again, trying his best to focus on the star. Yes, if he didn’t know any better it certainly did look like it was coming closer…
Suddenly, there was a flash of light so blinding, Shanks had to shield his eyes from it; before he was thrown backwards hard as something crashed into his chest. Then everything went dark again.
When he finally opened his eyes (to discover his brain had erupted into a small rioting city) he became aware of a weight on his chest. Whatever had set its collision course for his body was still alive as he felt it stir; apparently a bit dazed.
In his booze-addled mind, he didn’t blame it.
It slowly looked up at with hazel eyes under a heap of thick brown hair.
“Um…hello, there…?”
Tess looked into the eyes of the man that had a very shaken (and green) look on his face.
This had to be a dream, she thought to herself, this is impossible. I’ve fallen from the sky and I’m still alive!? Not that I want to die or anything, she hastily added for anyone listening (more likely someone with a Grim Reaper) who decided to take her up on the offer, but still…jeez!
She slowly backed off of the man as she realized that she was sitting on him.
She really should apologise. After all, it’s not everyday a guy’s taking a walk (minding his own business) when a girl is suddenly catapulted into his stomach.
“2007.”
The man cocked an eyebrow.
Why the hell did I say that!?
“I mean, because, you know, the year’s 2007, I mean,” she shook her head and pulled herself to together, “I’m sorry…”
“Thash alrigh lassh. B’you’re alive…” Tess noticed the guy was missing his left arm as she knelt beside him. “D’you ushully fall outta the shky to greet people?”
Tess also noticed his slurred voice, swaying body and the fact that he couldn’t focus his eyes on her properly because he couldn’t stay in one spot, which was ANNOYING HER A LOT!!
“Well, no, not really. But this is a dream, so it’s ok,” she said, staring hard at his red hair.
“It ish?” he asked in a tone that made Tess realise how awkward it was to tell people that they don’t really exist.
“Um, yeah, I suppose its got to be. I mean, otherwise I woulda died already,” she explained, pointing up at the sky.
“I guessho…” he said, sitting up and taking another generous swig from the bottle.
She gave him an I’ll-just-leave-now smile as he stood up; being a sensible girl of sorts, she had realised long ago that drunken men weren’t exactly the best thing to have when you have no idea where you are, no idea where your friends are, no idea where to start looking for them and no idea HOW HARD SHE WAS GOING TO KICK THEIR ASSES FOR ABANDONING HER WITH THIS COMPLETE PRAT!!*
Kicking a tree for good measure, she instantly felt better.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
“I’m off now. Nice meeting you,” she announced, in a braver voice than she felt. Standing, she scrambled out of the ditch she had made and brushed the dirt off her pants.
“Where?” he asked, trying to get himself out as well but failing miserably.
“I dunno yet,” reaching down, she gave him a hand.
She honestly did have no idea where she was going; how could she? But still, she had to try. First, she needed to find her friends. There was safety in numbers after all, and she’d definitely feel so much better if she had people (who were not drunk, unlike some people) she actually knew.
And if that plan didn’t work, she might as well wait til she woke up. After all, this was a dream, so everything will be just fine as long as she doesn’t get mauled to death in this one.
Now she knew what it felt like to have nine lives. Well, two.
Tess gave the man another smile, before she turned around – and walked straight into a tree.
“OOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!” she howled, rubbing her forehead frantically to get rid of the pain exploding through her head**.
Okay…maybe this wasn’t a dream. Dream weren’t ever this…painful.
“Poor lassh, y’must’ve hit the keg a bit too hard, eh?” came a sympathetic tone from behind her.
“I’ve - what? How could you – I just – I’M DRUNK!?!?” She blurted out, furious.
“Yesh, that’sh wha I jusshed,” he said, swaying like he was about to pass out.
Tess forgot the conversation for a minute to stand and stare. This guy looked familiar to her…that’s right; it was Liza’s favourite character; Shanks! (Tess inwardly cringed at what Liza would subject her to if she told her she had been sitting on his chest)
Well…that’s what he looked like anyway. Maybe he was going to a fancy dress party or something. Like Gabrielle’s 14th birthday pirate party.
“Can I ask your name?”
The man instantly jerked up at the question. Looking mighty proud of himself, he proclaimed, “I am Red-Haired Shanks!”
Tess stared even more.
“You mean, you’re dressed like Red-Haired Shanks?”
He ignored her.
“And whas your name, lassh?” “Tess.”
“Tessh,” he smiled in satisfaction.
Tess rolled her eyes.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Maybe when he had his hangover the next morning he’d be able to say her name properly.
“Sho Tessh, y’wanna come back to my ship?” If he had not asked the question with a rather serious expression in his eye, she would’ve slapped him (hard) and told him to sod off, she wasn’t a prostitute.
“What for?” she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him.
He looked slightly hurt.
“I thought you got nowhere to go, sho y’know, if you wanna lodge shumwhere like…and besides,” he added, nodding his head in confirmation, “people do them weird thingsh when they drunk.”
The Shanks look-alike smiled at her before turning around…and disappearing down the hole again.
Tess felt a rush of hot irritation.
“AND I’M THE ONE WHO’S MEANT TO BE DRUNK!?!?” she hollered at the hole.
Heaving a sigh, the brunette decided that maybe it was better for him to stay down there and…take a catnap or something. Then when he wakes up and (finally) comes to his senses, he’ll realise it was wrong to ask girls he’s just met if they want to ‘come back to his ship’.
“Hey, where’re y’going?” As she pushed some low branches out of the way, she rolled her eyes at his noisy attempts to get himself out of his predicament. Honestly, this man couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag; wet or not.
“Away from you,” she muttered under her breath.
Suddenly feeling a hand on her shoulder she spun around, patience completely spent.
“Look, just go away! Do you realise how irritating it is to have a grown man acting like a five year old hanging off you? Honestly,” she ignored his extremely hurt expression before she knocked the bottle out of his hand, to which he cringed, “You are drunk. Get some help. And NO! I AM NOT HELP!”
She was tired, hungry and cold. She didn’t know where her friends were, and she didn’t know where she was.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t mean no harm. Really.” the low tone indicated he was sincere this time.
She sighed; this guy obviously wasn’t going to leave her alone. And for some reason, she felt like she could trust him. Which was quite odd given that he was currently the epitome of everything she wouldn’t even poke with a ten foot bargepole.
Well, it was better than nothing. Either way, she’d keep her wits about her and if anything slightly suspicious happened, she’d bolt for it.
“Alright, I’ll come with you,” she said.
He brightened somewhat, and with a grin on his face, walked straight past her and onwards into the forest. She watched him go, confused.
“Um…isn’t your ship the other way?”
He stopped and looked at her.
“No, what gave you that idea?”
“You were walking in the other direction before!”
“Weell…” he seemed to ponder this over, “It’s this way.”
Tess frowned, gave one last look at the crater before turning and followed the drunken (swaying) Shanks look-alike.
Damn, it was a bad idea already. Who thought of it in the first place?
…
Riight, you keep telling yourself that.
oOo
*Yes yes, I know that for the life of her I can never imagine Tess screaming those sort of things, even in her head (or does she…?) or kicking trees, but deal with it. Tess is allowed to be vicious too!!
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